Excuse Me, May I Borrow Your Husband | S2E19.

In this episode I address the infiltration of culture on womanhood and the values that define our actions, but more specifically as it relates to our relationships, marriage and divorce.

Today’s episode is sponsored by The IDEAL Woman book: A Woman’s Guide to making empowered decisions and building the foundations that are necessary to support them as they AIM for a life of impact and leadership.  Pre-launch details available at www.natashasolomon.com/theidealwomanbook

• MY STORY - I was an adulterous woman, and today I come before you fully redeemed, my marriage has been restored, and God continues to sustain us as we battle the challenges of everyday life TOGETHER, and I do believe that is important.
• INTRODUCTION :-  I am Natasha Solomon, a bible believing woman of faith, a wife, and mother of two, I’m also a coach and consultant on womanhood, life, and leadership. I help women build the foundations necessary to support them as they AIM for a life of impact and leadership, and one thing I always say is that leadership and impact happens wherever you are in whatever role you play in your life both inside and outside the home.
• DISCLAIMER: My intention is not to judge or offend anyone, I come in peace, but if something I say offends you, I want to encourage you to seek divine guidance to identify the source of your offense. Because while it may seem like it is, I am not the source. Something I said simply triggered you. 
• In the last episode of the IDEAL Woman podcast “The State of Womanhood Address” I made the very bold statement that the world is in crisis because womanhood is in crisis, and I further qualified that by saying womanhood is in crisis because women are suffering alone, and in silence due to a lack of community. I then qualified that further by saying that one of reasons why women are not in community with each other like they used to be due to a lack of trust and the risk of exposing their families to abuse but more specifically their husbands to adultery. And that sounds absolutely ridiculous, trust me I know! That is why we’re going to talk about it.
• I want to start by first defining womanhood and then adultery.
  • 1. Womanhood is defined by 7 truths, which I discuss more in my upcoming book, and one of them is that it does not exist in isolation.
  • 2. Adultery is the act of being unfaithful and disloyal to ones’ spouse, and having sexual relations with someone other than the person you’re committed to. 
• I was led to talk about this because I recently watched a friend go through a divorce, and while she started to confide in me about her situation, there wasn’t enough time nor space for us to finish our conversation. So my friend, if you’re listening - I’m here, if you need me.
• It stirred up something inside me that said I need to talk about this publicly because it bothers me, and so I want to touch on four key points this evening.
• Love as a principle of elevated living.
  • Carousel post on IG about love, you can also download a free copy of the 7 Elevated Life Principles on my website www.natashasolomon.com
  • Choice, NOT defined by emotions, it allows us to show grace and compassion to others as well as ourselves, It says I desire for you all the goodness and humility I experience for myself.  Love does not mean self-sabotage. If you need a Biblical reference I would suggest 1 Corinthians 13:
• Emotional intelligence - separating fact from emotion. Also making decisions that are empowering based on facts and not emotions. That doesn’t mean we don’t allow ourselves to feel our emotions, we absolutely do. That’s where those foundations of support come in and one of those foundations IS Community.
  • If you’re an influential woman you have a responsibility to use your influence to effect positive change, and by trying to manipulate others to get on your side. Make empowering decisions from a place of emotional intelligence.  
• Adultery: In the Bible an adulterous woman is considered wayward and seductive, she is depicted as an unfaithful wife who seeks to undermine the social and moral foundations of the family and community. 
  • Which is essentially worse than a prostitute y’all. 
• The bible says a woman should be bound to her husband as long as he lives (hence till death do us part) then she can remarry a man that is godly - because at this point if you’re a mature woman of faith, why wouldn’t you?
• That’s not to say that every woman that has left her marriage and divorced her husband is adulterous, why? Because there is such a thing as repentance. Which says I recognize the error of my ways, I’m asking for forgiveness and will therefore move forward in a righteous direction, and that looks like choosing to either stay unmarried or remarry a godly man.
• I was an adulterous woman. I left my husband, divorced him, and was essentially priming myself for a new one. Yes I was. I gave myself 2 years, because I’m an efficient, high-achieving woman. Because the way I see it, he wasn’t acting like the man and husband God said he should be. I didn’t have an issue of infidelity that I knew about, but incompatibility was my issue. It wasn’t easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl for me, and I deserved better, and my mother, sister, aunty friend said I shouldn’t put up with this and that and the third, so we are out here living our best life, tits and everything in between hanging out! — 
• Finally friends, I want to talk about healing & forgiveness: 
  
  • • I was an unwise woman, who let everybody into her marriage, neglected her husband - by putting everyone else's opinion first - I was not diligent with the role God had assigned to me in that season of my life, the assignment I said I wanted and willingly committed to before my friends and family, and professed to love and honor this man until one of us dies! 
    • When you know the Truth it will require you to make some hard decisions. Decisions that require discipline, and integrity.
    • You are NOT responsible for that man’s actions, you are responsible for yours…It doesn’t justify or disqualify a man’s actions. He has to answer for that and he will, because consequences…
    • Infidelity is one of those actions where as a woman you are expected to leave and you are looked at as weak or insecure if you don’t. Infidelity is also one of the top 5 reasons why people get divorced. But if women, married and unmarried would stop accepting and participating in this culture of oversexualization of their body and allowing men to exploit them, how many married men do you think would be able to find somebody to cheat with consistently? Unless he finds himself a prostitute, in which case he better have enough money to afford that, because at least a prostitute has the good sense to get paid for it. I digress? 
    • I am a woman made in God’s image, I have been entrusted with the role of wife, AKA meek not weak helper, AKA a woman of discipline and strength with the ability to come alongside my man and positively influence him for the building up of nations and communities. I have a responsibility to lead my household by way of influence, where my husband and my children trust me to do so. And as a leader that means setting parameters that will protect the foundations I have built to support me in that role. So no ma’am, you may not borrow my husband, get your own!
  • Neither comes without repentance - and you cannot come to repentance without first seeing the error of your own ways. 
  • Take inventory of yourself and ask the hard questions and be willing to accept the answers. I had to.
• I want to end by saying this:- Know that you can forgive without forsaking - yourself, your husband, your children, your family and friends, or your community.
• Decide today that you will be an active participant in affecting the kind of change you want to see in this world and stay committed to where God has placed you, because it is so much bigger than you.
  • So PULL UP A CHAIR…
  • Make empowered decisions
  • Build Sustainable Foundations that will support you as you AIM for a Life of Impact.
  • The Future of Womanhood depends on it…Yours, mine, your children’s Children, and generations after them - because impact has a resounding ripple effect.

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Access the 7 Elevated Life Principles Guide and pre-launch details for the IDEAL Woman book at www.natashasolomon.com.

 

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